I don’t know how all of you do it, how all the brave mommy bloggers do it, how my mom has done it. I have always confessed that one of the reason I am dreaded of being a mom is that I know I will be super possessive of my future child. I will be that nagging, super involved, overly concerned mother which happens to be so different of my actual personality or the way it seems to be.
I am saying all this because, the sister has come down to our place and I have this pangs of super possessiveness wherever she is concerned. Her each action, each word or the lack of it bothers me big time. Her being happy and excited even on phone fills my day with smiles and sudden lightness. Her being in tension, or being upset for any damn reason sucks the happiness out of my life. I feel responsible for her a lot. She is a young woman now and is starting her own set up of work and me being me just can’t stop myself from being involved in her each and every decision at the same time I want her to independent. This sudden overflowing mix of emotions, the juggling between making her happy and upsetting her because of my nagging is straining my balance and peace.
I am ready to do things for her which I have never done before even for myself like marketing her skills/services to the external world, advocating her decisions in front others. I become super sensitive in her matters. I loose my cool, I am at my cribbing best when she is tensed or it is in my head that she is having a slightly tough time.
I don’t know how to let go when things related to her are concerned. I don’t know how let her make mistakes when I know she will trip over and fall. I know that’s the only way one learns and becomes a strong individual but my mind is not ready to accept. I want her to learn of her age plus what I have learnt making mistakes all this while.
She is different from me but there are few things I want her to have in her personality which has to be there to be a better person. But when I tell/preach/say it seems as if I am trying to make her a copy of me which none of us wants or is not my intention. I just can’t take it when some one else says anything about her in terms of her nature, behavior and I get at my defensive best.
I have no idea what I am blabbering but its like I want to make her life perfect. I want to see her smiling and happy all the time. I want her to have it her way.
And I have no idea how to just let her be on her own and be there in the background. Letting her know I am there no matter what. In fact we are there but just not able to. How all of you do it. I mean how to stay detach yet be together.