In the last post I mentioned that a couple (H &S) were visiting us. The Husband (H) is TBH’s friend for almost 15 years and they are like brothers; spouses at times and also business partners in real life. H & S married just two months after our wedding almost two years back. The guys were out for a meeting and S and I got some time to catch up alone. While having lunch S mentioned how the food cooked by me reminded her of her maiden home/mom cooked food. She said it has been long time since she had proper man ka khana.
I am pretty aware of the fact that H’s food habit are very different from others. TBH and I have discussed it many a times. His food habits are not only different but unhealthy in all possible ways.
Few of his quirky habits which runs in his household:
- He wants ghee with almost everything. He can actually drink ghee.
- He can’t eat any meal without sev (namkeen).
- He eats very spicy food all the time.
- He doesn’t like/eat fruits.
- He is not at all fond of any other cuisine than Indian.
- He eats dinner really late at night.
- Once during their latest visit, he prepared lunch for all of us and used oil which I manage to use for a week.
How it is different from S’s original habits.
- S has been raised up in a household where healthy food comes over anything else.
- She loves fruits/raw vegetables.
- She loves simple food with less oil/spices
- She can’t stand sev with the main meal
- She loves Chinese
Their Set up
During their early days of marriage S was nearly shocked to see how the food is prepared in H’s household. As a background, they both live together with H’s parents. She used to eat less than her normal diet because of totally different style of cooking and also because of kind of vegetables being bought which were different from her choice/habit.
She was encouraged to cook and prepare Chinese too as she loves it, she did that only to realize now there are three people on the table who are not able to eat properly. She got back to their cooking style, trying to put less oil/spices to every body’s benefit whenever possible.
She was telling all this to me and saying now its effecting her health to an extent, considering her diet has reduced to a large extent. I couldn’t agree more, in fact I also believe how food plays major role in your moods and general energy levels. I was like, ‘now your newly married/ shyness phase is over, you can absolutely voice your liking and prepare separate food for yourself at least on some days’. She said she definitely can and everybody will understand but it is too much of an effort for her with a nearly 9 to 9 job.
She was true, and I felt sorry for her. Even I felt how difficult it would be for her. This time during their trip I coaxed everybody to go to a Chinese restaurant as S likes it so much and realized H really ate very less and is not experimental at all. It’s disheartening to be sharing a table and seeing someone else not eating to his/her heart’s content. I was wondering that even when H would take S to her favorite food places, he would probably ask her to prepare something or would help himself once they enter home and as much as I know S, she would hate that and would skip the eat-out plan altogether.
This isn’t just S & H story, it must be true for so many couples at so many different levels. Though I do believe their case is a bit extreme and there are a very few possibilities of change.
I have similar story to share about another friend. It is not about the style this time, it’s about quantity. This friend of mine belongs to a big Indian joint family with all the ladies representing a different state. Abundance of choice is how the food at her place is described, I was a regular at her home, before her marriage, rightfully asking for my favorite food and joining any of her cousins on the table. But when I first visited her in law’s place or her place after marriage, I was taken aback. ‘Calculated food’ is their way. Less quantity, minimal wastage; it is okay and appreciated too, but so much so that the guest feel uncomfortable and eats less so as to not to spoil their daily/weekly or for that matter monthly calculations. She was reprimanded if any left overs accumulate in the fridge. Needless to say that was my last visit to her place.
This is such an understated fact in the marriage scenario. Food should be discussed in length before marriage. It is such an integral part of lives for people like us, that I dunno how I would have managed if I had to face something similar situation a daily basis. And unfortunately in most scenarios it is the girl making compromises/adjustments specially if living in a joint family scenario.
What do you have to say on this? What did you face when you got married? Did you had to adjust or not? Who adjusted in your relationship? How do you manage the differences on day to day basis? Basically how did you cope up with the different food choices?
I can only say I am very lucky in this regard. TBH and I have a lot of similarities, though we are two totally different individual but sometimes we are surprised with the kind of same habits/choices we have specially as regard to food. Or maybe we both are very experimental and not at all fussy eaters so probably life is easier this way. But I swear our Moms are more similar than us :P. That’s for another story btw.