Fat and Beautiful

As long as I can remember I have been on the wrong side of the weighing scale. Even with all the exercising, aiming for healthy lifestyle, getting fit together with TBH – I have not lost that extra weight. I have turned more active, my body got some sort of shape which wasn’t absolute round, my health improved (periods got regular/pcos subsided/ others stats got better) but I did not lose numbers on scale after a certain period of time.

I wrote this post a long back but never posted it here. And while thinking for what to write for today’s letter, this one again strike me, and I reread it again and found it still so suitable, word by word.

It started with being called chubby then it became healthy gradually it progressed to overweight and now from past few years it has been fat. Yes I am fat and I have no qualms about accepting it. Its been the case since my teens. Somehow unlike a lot of my friends and cousins I never felt depressed about it except for very rare cases when I go for shopping and something I really like don’t fit because of my size, but that happens with all of us! Right? I never considered fatness and ugliness as synonyms which unfortunately a lot of people do. Some time back I was talking to one of cousin, who is now a mother of two adorable boys, convincing her to come for a family wedding. In the list of her excuses of not been able to make it, one was her being fat. She was like, I feel so upset with my weight, I hate my pregnant looking tummy; I am tired of the paunch, I don’t want to look bad in the wedding. And it was not just an excuse, she has done everything to get rid of her tummy but nothing has worked to her favor, nevertheless she looks beautiful to me. She has special grace in herself, only if she would just smile a bit more than frown on her extra kilos.

I have always been complimented on my dressing sense, the way I carry myself despite my weight. I don’t want to sound boastful but yes, at times I look beautiful too. There were people at my workplace who would daily check me out complimenting me every single day. This used to happen in college too. There are few friends who consider me their shopping advisor.  I feel sad when I see weight in girls is made such a big taboo, lowering their self-esteem. And the way girls take it, as if life has ended for them. The point I am trying to make is all of us can look beautiful despite our physical shortcomings – fat; skinny; dark skinned; short heighted etc. etc. Though they say it is the way you feel about yourself, if you feel you are beautiful, you look beautiful but we know the reality lies much beyond that. Surely feeling positive about oneself adds charm to your persona but does not imply looking good. Probably I should list down a few things I know for sure works for us, no gyan, no philosophy, and few observations sheer out of experience.

For us, the big size girls, definitely wearing what the normal sized girls do doesn’t help. The biggest problem is not understanding what suits our size best and the issue aggravates by the fact that Indian markets do not have a lot of options for the +size. But still some efforts and you will find cloths of your choice.

First listing out few blunders to be totally avoided for big size:

  • Wearing those tight busted Tshirts, even if they are your favorites don’t come out of bed/room/home wearing them. They look awful with your flab trying to make your way out of the cloth. And those tires, and the sight if we bend down – eee just avoid them.
  • Short ts when your side flabs peeks out
  • Pencil fit denims
  • Wearing loose sleeveless cloths/tops. Sleeveless can look better if they are well tailored.
  • And worst of all, wearing short kurtis over leggings/chudidars; if you like wearing short kurtis, try them over patiyalas/semi patiyala or even salwars but NO chudidar.
  • Wearing big checks/big print patters/horizontal strips make one look broader.
  • Very tight short sleeves/half sleeves when your fat forms a shape around it.

Few suggestions which make us look really good:

  • Wearing a bit, only a bit loose, hip length t-shirts, with sleeves folded once
  • If possible go for ¾ or full length or smartly fit arm lengths sleeves for your tops/kurtis
  • At least knee length kurtis on chudidar/pyjama/leggings
  •  Go for straight fit denims over pencil fits
  • Capris also looks good on us.
  • If you have broad shoulders, flaunt them – off shoulders and boat necks really suit us.
  • Play more with accessories – bags, foot wears and scarfs – so that the attention gets divided there.
  • Girls – remember scarfs/stoles are a saver to hide your heavy busts or that fat belly
  • Open/ loose shirts/jackets with a good fitted spaghetti/bundi looks good as well
  • If your face is big, try keeping shoulder length or longer hair
  • And last but most important, always carry a smile on your face please, believe me that does magic.

The list can go on, it just that we got to be a little more observant and open to experiments. And avoid copying what normal size people wear around us. I advocate this thought so much, that I told my parents clearly I won’t definitely lose weight to find a prospect. They have to accept me as I am. That should not be a judgment criterion. And when actually my marriage got fixed, relatives starting asking me, try losing weight so that I look better in my wedding. Obviously the way I am, I did not. I was a Big Fat Indian Bride, and by all standards I was looking beautiful. My parents actually played very smart and found a exact match :). No one could have better complimented me size wise – life wise – thoughts wise as TBH does :). 

It’s not I don’t want to get in shape, I too want to lose weight though not for getting slim, but to get fit, get healthier, for not facing any health issues and definitely not with the sole objective of looking beautiful, the title says it all. I am Fat and Beautiful and pretty happy in my being.

 

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27 thoughts on “Fat and Beautiful

  1. Santulan April 7, 2014 at 8:51 am Reply

    To each their own about it.. If you;re feeling comfortable, or like what you’re wearing.. wear it..

    I think I feel bad about my weight only in two cases.. Not being able to buy something in my size (as you said) and when I feel lethargic..

    • onehonestwriter April 7, 2014 at 11:41 am Reply

      hmm true as long as we are comfortable in our skin 🙂 Yes, sometimes the lethargy upsets me too.

  2. nepaliaustralian April 7, 2014 at 9:04 am Reply

    Kudos for your attitude gal , never change it. Even thought I am not big, I always have issue with my weight and diet. It is one constant that have never changed in my life and reading this post definitely made me feel push towards the positive side of the tangent and accept myself for who I am. Thank you 🙂

    • onehonestwriter April 7, 2014 at 11:42 am Reply

      🙂 Thank you for the kind words 🙂 And glad it did help you to see the positive side.

  3. tandooripanipurilife April 7, 2014 at 11:20 am Reply

    People also asked me to loose weight to find a prospect & then again said same thing before my wedding, when I was 62 kgs.
    Even my Mum was told to ask me to loose weight otherwise no one will marry her daughter!!
    I gained most of my weight after wedding, maybe because of PCOS but during my first visit to India, people said – “Wahan non-veg ke alaava khane ko kuch milta nahi hoga naa, isliye”
    Even at pani-puri stall, some strange ladies came to me & said – You are same TPL who got married and went to Australia?? When I said yes, they said ohh bahot motte ho gaye ho na isliye pehchana nahi, bahot wajan badh gaya hai, kuch karo!!! Tell me how would I eat that pani-puri in front of them?? These people grrrr…..

    I really hate it when people judge you on your weight & de-motivate you by their harsh statements. What makes all the difference is our attitude. This is what I am people accept it or leave it. If people cannot talk to me/behave rude just because of my weight, it’s their loss.

    I just love you for writing this post OHW. aur haan…you are not fat, I can say that with full confidence now that I have met you. Yes, you are very pretty & I was really going to tell you how I love your dressing style after I saw your pics 😉

    • onehonestwriter April 7, 2014 at 11:52 am Reply

      This sweet comment and the compliments just added two kilos in my weight 🙂 Thanks girl for all the words. The vain and selfish me, will accept all that you said :). But me being not fat is not acceptable at all :P. You saw me in dark na, thats why :P. You know what makes us look more beautiful, our smiling faces. As much as i know you now, I think its the same with you too :).

      And that panipuri incident reminded me of similar incident, it happened so I was relishing some chat items in my hometown, a lady was also standing in the same stall, she was looking at me inquisitively, after all these years of studies, college, big family, social people you tend to meet a lot of people at common joints specially in smaller places like my city, so I thought she must be one of those acquaintances and started smiling at her. She came closer and gave me a small chit of paper, saying will help you – that said ‘vazan ghataiye, sirf 15 dino mien’. Eee it felt creepy, and before I could turn and gave her a piece of my mind,she left. Khane ka poora maza kirkira kar diya :(.

      • tandooripanipurilife April 7, 2014 at 12:05 pm

        ROFL on that incident 😀
        Sorry laughing at your expense..
        But on serious note, I dont know how these people have guts to do such things??
        I would have thrown the chit of paper on the ground & asked her to mind her own business..

  4. tandooripanipurilife April 7, 2014 at 11:20 am Reply

    sorry, dint realize I have written a whole post in your comment 😦

  5. onehonestwriter April 7, 2014 at 11:53 am Reply

    Arey – wordpress manages the space, what we need to do in that 😛

  6. Jas April 7, 2014 at 3:48 pm Reply

    That’s the attitude one should have. Fat, thin, chubby, stick like are just categories people like to slot in. Anyways, I have decided to drop all the extra numbers out of my vocabulary. That includes weight and age 😛

  7. greenboochi April 7, 2014 at 3:56 pm Reply

    W.O.W – Simply superb post! 🙂 I had always been called fat (the fact that mom and sis were too small compared to me didnt help much) and I had a lingering thought all the time that I was fat though my parents tried their best to convince me that I am not. But then, when I look at my childhood pics, I am not at all fat – not even once. Just that I was bigger and taller than the sister. Sigh. I never knew others opinion on my body didnt matter until I was in college.

    Who said one cant be chubby and beautiful too? Dressing smart is more important – very well said OHW. And those tips – awesome! I have seen a girl in my office (very obese) who wears these very tight leggings with very small kurti thats way above her thighs. The minute she bends down, its so very awkward. And the way men look at her, I feel sorry for her.

    • onehonestwriter April 7, 2014 at 8:23 pm Reply

      Thanks so much GB, yup as many pics I have seen yours, you just seem tall & not fat at all. Things people make us believe 😦

      Feel bad for your colleague though, these are such sensitive matters that even if you have all good intentions its difficult to share this with the person in question.

  8. Visha April 7, 2014 at 6:28 pm Reply

    A very sincere and good post 🙂

    I do not look fat, but my BMI is above normal. I work on shedding the weight but that never happens. It always stays the same, neither increase nor decrease. After sometime, even I told the same to myself, being fit is more important than anything else.

    Oh yes, dressing sense is very important. Some people just dont seem to get it right and then they look more fat than they actually are 😐

  9. Pepper April 7, 2014 at 11:32 pm Reply

    I’ve always harped about the problems I’ve faced being a ‘skinny’ person. I don’t always find clothes in my size too. People worry I don’t have ‘child bearing’ hips.

    I think people will always comment, no matter what. Unless your body fits their description of what is ‘ideal’. Stupid world, really.

    Having said that, I know I am facing the brunt of not incorporating any exercise in my daily life. My bones are creaky. And stiff. My stamina is not as good as it should be. My overall fitness sucks. So without caring of how fat or think I look, I think I am going to work out. At the end of the day, health and fitness are all that count. Nothing else does, right.. 🙂

    • onehonestwriter April 8, 2014 at 8:50 pm Reply

      Right, fitness is what counts.

      I think people will always comment, no matter what. Unless your body fits their description of what is ‘ideal’. – Can’t agree more.

  10. techie2mom April 8, 2014 at 2:58 pm Reply

    I am one of those who are fashion un -concious (if there is such a word) and big. I may read advise on fashion and forget it, my peanut sized memory doesn’t help either..
    But I like your spirit. Love it that you don’t let negativity affect yourself. My thoughts on this topic are here: http://techie2mom.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/what-matters-is-what-you-have-inside-you/

    • onehonestwriter April 8, 2014 at 8:49 pm Reply

      See if one is carefree and happy – thats all 🙂

  11. simple girl April 8, 2014 at 4:35 pm Reply

    I really like this post.. except one thing –

    ‘Wearing those tight busted Tshirts, even if they are your favorites don’t come out of bed/room/home wearing them. They look awful with your flab trying to make your way out of the cloth. And those tires, and the sight if we bend down – eee just avoid them.’ –

    If I am comfortable wearing tight busted then who cares what others find bad to look at .

    • onehonestwriter April 8, 2014 at 8:45 pm Reply

      Yup, that’s another way to look at it and that’s applicable in everything. As long as you are comfortable.

  12. shail April 8, 2014 at 6:35 pm Reply

    I used to be pretty slim and have put on weight recently (past 3-4 years). I am fed up of the way everyone think it is their duty to tell me how fat I have become, as if I am blind and cannot see myself in the mirror. Then they even ask, “Do you eat more now?” as if it is a mystery they have got to solve. And to think I am not even that young anymore!

    • onehonestwriter April 8, 2014 at 8:49 pm Reply

      And then the talks about the various diets, what works for them or has worked for someone they know, the instructions you should eat this and not that, use this much oil only and other blah blah blah

  13. Nisha April 8, 2014 at 8:30 pm Reply

    Fat is definitely beautiful – there are no two ways about that. I just feel that we need to keep our weight in check just to avoid health problems. Extra kilos are a nuisance when it comes to old age. I know it’s too soon but you never know if we can shed these at a later stage or no.

    • onehonestwriter April 8, 2014 at 8:48 pm Reply

      Rightly said, health is always first priority specially when you have the time in hand but the whole point is overweight females tend to overdo it, they relate everything in life with being fat and sadness become a normal way of life. That shouldn’t happen.

  14. kismitoffeebar April 9, 2014 at 2:39 pm Reply

    I absolutely love you for saying all that you have said above. Being comfortable with your body and helping it get fitter and stay healthy – that is really all that matters. Very very well written OHW!

    • onehonestwriter April 9, 2014 at 5:42 pm Reply

      Thanks Kismi 🙂 You know everytime I call you kisme, i feel like having one kismitoffeebar 🙂

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