No amount of pre reading, discussing, internet surfing prepares you for what is in store once the baby is born or rather when I see bunny in even slight pain. I was totally in control of my emotions through out my pregnancy but first few days when we brought bunny home all my maturity and self control went straight out of the window. I had major emotional meltdowns in the first week of being a mommy.
There is actually something like mother instinct, as much as TBH was comfortable talking to bunny in my tummy or even now when he plays with him, holds him or talk to him, he is so afraid of sleeping besides him. He sleeps on the very edge of the bed adding to my worry that he would definitely fall off the bed one of these nights. I for one who has never handled a baby before, still not great with baby talks I am quite comfortable sleeping besides him and holding him.
I have accepted too soon that diapers are the best invention in the world. Nappy change to me is the most tiring job of this new role. I have talked to multiple people, even doctors and the selfish me only filters in the positive opinions. But I am still all ears and I trust you guys completely, tell me your opinions about diaper usage and preferred and tested brand if any.
Motherhood surely is patience testing, less with the baby and more with the ‘knowledgable’ people around. I relatively had an event less pregnancy with less of relatives around. Both my moms are quite unconventional in this regard and accept the modern ways/treatment/ doctors advice with open arms. But since I came at my mothers place for delivery there have been constant inflow of relatives and visitors and jitne log utni baatein. Everybody consider themselves rightful and experienced enough to constantly guide and advise you on every single thing. After initial resistance and wasting energy in counter arguments you learn to say yes to everything.
Continuing on last point a lot of people still consider Caesarean delivery a kind of taboo. Due to some last minute developments, infact only on the operations table and after being in labour for hours together my normal pregnancy and delivery were converted into a c section, and my doctors assured there will be no trouble in future. I was walking the next day and almost or could do all my routine work myself but people gave all sort of reactions once they heard about my operation. Sympathised to no bounds and in a way shared how I will have so many complications in future blah blah. And they gave no feat to how good I felt or how I was in no pain etc etc.
This one is a cliche I never knew the amount of love I had for bunny until he was in my arms. Through out my pregnancy I kept on planning and discussing how I will make him independent and wouldn’t let motherhood effect me in a bad way. Like I would leave him with the extended family from time to time and go on trips with TBH like I used to do or would have some me time, won’t be totally engrossed with the baby. But now I don’t know if I will be able to leave him even for a day or few hours.
As a new parent you can never get bored of watching your baby while sleeping or even otherwise. Watching his tactics, seeing him making progress as a little human. Seeing him responding on your voice or kinda recognising your face.
Despite being all cool, calm and casual; always defending myself everytime when the sister teased you or the husband pulled your leg….you are surprised at yourself that how much mommy material you actually are.
And that you have turned into a new mommy when you find yourself moving your leg rhythmically even when the baby is not on your lap. A month of managing a new born did that to me.
The way both side of parents, immediate family, siblings and their spouses love your baby is surprising. Specially when you never got a chance to experience such emotions. I see my mom and sister getting dead tired at the end of each day but still looking forward to spend some bunny time, and you feeling guilty of bothering them so much and making everybody’s schedule busier.
You have this new found respect for all parents including yours, specially when they have more than one kid. Bringing a child to the world and being responsible for him/her is no easy feat.
Despite all the changes your body goes through, you go through both emotionally & psychologically; you realise what a smooth phase pregnancy was and at times find yourself secretly wishing that it would have continued along with the special pampering and all the attention.
And how important it is to get some baby time all to yourself. One of the best day in the last month was bunny’s third day in hospital when it was only me and sister managing him. Specially for someone like me who wasn’t very comfortable with the whole baby management stuff. I got comfortable playing and talking to bunny very gradually, and still I am mostly mum in front of others.
For TBH and I who are mostly on the go and love being like that, I think half of my waking time goes in preparing myself for being confined to places for longer periods at least now and how and when we will travel with bunny.
I have realised motherhood has surely made me typo prone, and that I find my mistakes only when I have hit the send button. Probably typo isn’t even the right word, I am typing things that are not even comprehensible.
That’s all for now. To be continued forever, I don’t think the realising stuff would ever end. Once a mommy, always a mommy 🙂
And just like that in a blink of an eye Bunny is one month old today.