Tag Archives: Relationships

One year of Bunniness !! One year of Momminess !!

Last I remember I was writing about one month of Bunniness. And now its going to be an year in six days, and I still can’t believe it. Its been a beautiful motherhood journey. Feels like totally non mommy material like me was born to be Bunny’s mom.

I can’t tell you how much I am enjoying this now not so new role. I am loving every single moment of it.

Bunny is a sweetheart, I can’t probably explain in words how much I love him. He is a complete attention seeker, loves socializing. Melts everybody’s heart with his smiles. He will keep smiling/calling you in his own way until you respond to him and smile back. He absolutely love being in crowd.

Has already been to around 12 cities and has been constantly on the go since birth. And the inflow-outflow of guests at our home has almost doubled as contrary to what I earlier thought. So has not really been alone with us.

He is a happy -healthy kid generally. Has been quite a supportive baby. I just feel lucky and blessed to have him.

He is quite a active baby. And if I am around he doesn’t need anything else :). And I am always around, even in loo we kinda accompany each other. I think when time comes for his school or when i would be required to be out of home, the separation would be more difficult for me than him.

I am just overwhelmed and so excited. July has been great since the start. First we had this impromptu road trip to Amritsar – Chandigarh with sister and her friends. Which was great by all means, Bunny got slight fever on Day two, which worried me a bit but as soon as we realized it was due to teething, I was relived. And by next day evening he was completely himself. Tomorrow we are flying to Pune for a short weekend trip to Lavasa (for my birthday) then joining family in Bunny’s birthplace for his birthday and some celebrations :).

And our one year old household with a baby has been quite different with what me or my family envisioned.

– Its been a Johnson baby or any baby product free household. Yes no soaps, no powder, no creams for Bunny :). Only our very own coconut oil and mustard oil in winters.

– Its been a cerelac or any sort of pureed free home. I have not even learnt to force feed Bunny or feed him by distraction. Funnily I love khichdi and since Bunny’s arrival, unlike popular belief, it has been the least cooked food in our Kitchen.

– Also I have never bought a single box of formula milk. Breastfeeding and practicing Nursing in Public has been a boon for the kind of life we are leading with the Baby.

– Teddy-bears and soft toys free home. The ones we got as gifts are happilly lying in some corner, Bunny just doenst play with them. May be now as he grows. he will develop a fondness with them.

– No jhula, no walker, no crib, not a lot of fancy toys for him.

– Very early into the motherhood journey I learnt, that the kinda toy and how colorful/beautiful or expensive it is hardly matters to babies, they happily play with even kitchen or everyday stuff. What is important is giving them exposure to everything, sounds, colors, words, music, motion etc.

– Still no single pics of Bunny hanging on our walls, regretfully true.

– I have not once lost my temper with Bunny or regretted being a mom in this one year.

My only indulgences has been cloth diapers to an extent and Baby Carriers which has opened up new avenues for me, so I really do not mind.

Needless to say, i have been lucky with the kinda of family support system I have. The supportive partner I have, who supports me unconditionally, stands there as a pillar and trusts me with my decisions and ways to raise Bunny. Also for getting right information at the right time rather than being misguided and following some things which I would have regretted later.

Only thing I would like to change is TBH spending more quality and engaging time with Bunny and he learning to be with his Pa, even when I am not around. Somehow it is still not happening, and somewhere I am also a culprit because I kinda always intervene as soon as I hear things going out of control and do not give TBH fair chance. He has also been extremely overloaded with work lately, but he needs to be more hands on dad.

Like all the overwhelming emotional posts, I have no idea where did i start and where it is ending; Just that I am so happy to have a wonderful – beautiful motherhood journey, all thanks to my little munchkin.

Leaving you with a pic from our recent trip, somewhere enroute to Chandigarh from Amritsar.

One year of Bunniness !! One year of Momminess !!

One year of Bunniness !! One year of Momminess !!

They are Pregnant!!!

Did I tell you two of my best friends are expecting. For one it could be any day. They both got married some couple of years ago and now expecting their first child few months apart. I am so happy for them. Both the days when I heard the news I was jumping with joy which is very unusual for me because I am not one of those person who gets excited with baby news.

Also I belong to a very big family, there is always some young aunt, bhabhi or one of innumerable cousins expecting. There is always a new baby in the family whom I haven’t seen and everybody waits for the next big family wedding to see the new borns.

So where was I; on my friends. I was saying I have seen pregnant women/colleagues/family around. But this time it feels so different with my two besties going to be moms. With all the talks, details, doctors’ visits, sonography details it feels as if I am pregnant. Their excitement resonates in me. I can’t wait to see the babies; I can’t wait to be the mausi; I can’t wait to see my girls turning into moms.

For all the ladies out there, does it happen to you or has it happened with you as well. With friends the feeling is totally different, it’s like one among us. This bit is helping me to loosen up a bit about the whole motherhood stuff. It’s weird how things work out.

And there is a slight chance that for one of them the baby’s birthday coincides with mine. Now that’s is just doubling the whole excitement.

Becoming the Biwi !!!

So it’s been more than 18 months since my marital status changed. But it’s only now that I am observing the changes in me. I am becoming more of a wife. Here’s how

  1. A lot of things have started bothering me which earlier never did like the state of my home or the cupboard.
  2. The refrigerator and grocery being fully stocked all the time (with the number of people who visit us it’s a necessity).
  3. Maid being regular person in my conversations.
  4. Me trying to supervise the maid’s work which I never did or do not support either.  But lately the way she has been doing work and the amount I pay her, I better start doing the work on my own and spend the money to buy some fancy items. See I started it again.
  5. Every single time I went out to shop I unconsciously also explore the kitchen/house décor/ furniture sections.
  6. Kitchen accessories being part of my birthday wish list.
  7. Having a birthday wish list and constant reminders to the better half for the same.
  8. Having expectations from the better half regarding my birthday.
  9. My blabbering turning into nagging of sorts.
  10. This sudden urge to buy jewelry.
  11. Caring about the monthly budget/ keeping a track on expenses.
  12. Being upset when something I cook does not turn out that well.
  13. Being very defensive when someone in the family visiting us points out to any arrangement, suggesting an alternative or stating the need of it.
  14. Getting out of home with a loose pony/bun wearing my pajamas and T, not giving a thought to my looks whenever I go for veggie – grocery shopping/stuffing.
  15. Demanding constant updates of whereabouts whenever TBH travels for work/local meetings etc.
  16. Making sure the husband carries his wallet, keys, handkerchief, and his watch whenever he gets ready to go out for work.
  17. Looking for occasions to dress traditional wear.
  18. Bringing regular temple visit in our weekly routine.
  19. Getting upset by few relatives and their actions.
  20. Shouting/ Getting irritated at TBH for no valid reason or very small ones.

I am not sure it’s the age, it’s the responsibility of running a household or its marriage. All I want is not to turn into this super nagging, perfectionist kind of wife I want to stay as friends / lovers / flat mates do with TBH. I have to keep a check on this and unlearn few things.

Being the elder sister !!!

I don’t know how all of you do it, how all the brave mommy bloggers do it, how my mom has done it. I have always confessed that one of the reason I am dreaded of being a mom is that I know I will be super possessive of my future child. I will be that nagging, super involved, overly concerned mother which happens to be so different of my actual personality or the way it seems to be.
I am saying all this because, the sister has come down to our place and I have this pangs of super possessiveness wherever she is concerned. Her each action, each word or the lack of it bothers me big time. Her being happy and excited even on phone fills my day with smiles and sudden lightness. Her being in tension, or being upset for any damn reason sucks the happiness out of my life. I feel responsible for her a lot. She is a young woman now and is starting her own set up of work and me being me just can’t stop myself from being involved in her each and every decision at the same time I want her to independent. This sudden overflowing mix of emotions, the juggling between making her happy and upsetting her because of my nagging is straining my balance and peace.
I am ready to do things for her which I have never done before even for myself like marketing her skills/services to the external world, advocating her decisions in front others. I become super sensitive in her matters. I loose my cool, I am at my cribbing best when she is tensed or it is in my head that she is having a slightly tough time.
I don’t know how to let go when things related to her are concerned. I don’t know how let her make mistakes when I know she will trip over and fall. I know that’s the only way one learns and becomes a strong individual but my mind is not ready to accept. I want her to learn of her age plus what I have learnt making mistakes all this while.
She is different from me but there are few things I want her to have in her personality which has to be there to be a better person. But when I tell/preach/say it seems as if I am trying to make her a copy of me which none of us wants or is not my intention. I just can’t take it when some one else says anything about her in terms of her nature, behavior and I get at my defensive best.
I have no idea what I am blabbering but its like I want to make her life perfect. I want to see her smiling and happy all the time. I want her to have it her way.
And I have no idea how to just let her be on her own and be there in the background. Letting her know I am there no matter what. In fact we are there but just not able to. How all of you do it. I mean how to stay detach yet be together.

From the sister to the better half !!!

Quoting her words……

It was jijus first birthday as my sisters husband and i just couldn’t be more grateful to this person who has kept her past so safe and made her present so beautiful…

Here is a letter i wrote to him.
Happy Birth Day!
Jijaji, Jiju, J!!! I thought of many names! I would practice saying it loud. I found it so funny, the way it is pronounced. Although took time but phew; finally got comfortable with the word as well as the person! A new member in the family, a new guardian for didi, a new relationship, it was all so new! But jiju we are glad you are there!
I really respect you for how you took all her problems as yours. How patiently you have helped her get over her mood swings. Of course at times she gets all fidgety and nervous and irritated but I am glad you are there for her. It took you no time to win our hearts; I see the glitter in moms and dads eyes when they watch their daughter so happily married!
We all love you for being you. So simple and planned! So full of energy and liveliness! Although didi is an unbeatable chatterbox and loud speaker, haha, we all love how light you make the atmosphere look. I always feared if she would get married to a family where they followed all customs and traditions, where aunties and uncles are strict and whenever I meet her I would be required to touch their feet and sit poker faced. But naah! It was such a delight to see what a zippy and peppy family she got married into.  What a loving and caring husband she got, just as she wanted.
Thank you for keeping her so happy and safe. Jiju (haha, look how comfortably I say it now) we are glad to have you as a part of her and our family! A very happy birthday once again!

Reposting: The self destructive art of Justification

Note: Reposting an old entry  to get more perspective. It’s happening again with a very close friend and I am feeling extremely helpless. I shared this post with her to make her understand (which was originally written few months back after a full blown discussion with her) and all she said was, nice words. So you understand how senseless she has become.

Earlier it used to be me, and now when I sit back and think, it seems to be the case with nearly every other girl I know who is in a relationship currently, specially the emotional ones – the amazing art of justifying your relationship. And unknowingly repeating what your boy friend has explained as justification to his deeds/actions or the lack of it.

I am not saying all love affairs are dreadful or all guys are wrong, on the contrary I feel finding the right guy for yourself is one of the best gifts a girl can give to her parents in today’s world.  But you know there are those which do not seem right, right from the beginning; those relationships who even your best buddy won’t approve of but still he/she would be your side just because they are your best friend; those relationships which seems to have a tough future; a tough journey of togetherness.

And let me be very clear here I am not talking about head over heels type of love neither I am mentioning about love at first sight type love instead I am talking about relationships where love grows gradually, where the guy and a girl consciously decides to take the big step; where it is envisioned to go official and end into a serious relationship or marriage.

I can talk about this because I have made my share of grave mistakes, not once but multiple times, and each time I was too late to call it off.  And each time I had a best buddy who would not approve of it, who would feel something is amiss, and who would be honest enough to point it out unlike me, the one in relationship who would be afraid of admitting the truth in the fear of having a big useless fight, or losing the relationship which made me feel so secure, loved and cared for and took the easier path of blindly trusting the person in question.

And when at random intervals the questions were raised they were suppressed either by a higher tone or a mild ‘filled with love’ tone; at times by a well rehearsed manipulative answer; even by some emotional retrospective questions like ‘Don’t you trust me?’ ‘Are you out of your mind?’ ‘You trust your friends more than me?’ ‘Have I ever let you down?’ ‘I do so much for you, still fail to make you feel happy’ And you can go on to add some more on similar lines.

And almost always you would never end up getting the answers you aimed for, He would always have reasons for why can’t we make it official; why can’t even after 5 years of being together he can’t talk to his family; why is it you have never met any of his friends or family; why he has not stuck to any of the deadlines; why his divorce is still not finalised; why people who know you from his end never feel the desire or need to talk to you etc etc. In all probability you have either experienced or heard this or seen your friends in similar situations.

Luckily for me I am out of the emotional trap the ex planned for me or his strategies of controlling my mind and spoiling my life, now I am married to a wonderful guy and having a dreamlike married life. I have told the better half every single thing that happened in my past…yeah well not totally past the ex still is determined to spoil my life and keeps bothering every now and then but yes because of the transparency I share with my husband I can talk to him about every damn thing, and when at times while telling him how I fell into such a mess, I end up wondering how can I overlook the obvious facts, how can at that time I lost all my sense of reasoning and went ahead in such relationship, why i kept justifying it to my closed ones who raised eyebrows.

I don’t have that much anger for the ex but left with regret to let him control my life and spoil it in his own sweet way. I really wish not to have taken the path of justification and ended it in time. I really wish my friends understand this much before I did. I am not against the idea of finding your own love, there are some great guys out there like TBH and a lot more I have seen in healthy relationships but when in doubt always question.

I just wish I had the guts, the courage to ask the right questions at the right time and not went ahead without getting the answers.

P.S: This is totally a girl’s perspective, can very well happen to the other gender.