Last week LiFi wrote this post where she briefly mentions that how she managed things better when R worked from a different location because she knew what’s in store for her without any expectations. I can’t tell you how much her words resonated with what I have been going through these days.
Lately TBh has been travelling extensively and whenever he is away I am better off, I am generally happy, more energetic, better in handling bunny etc. Even when he is around he has loads of work in his kitty, both personal and professional commitments are keeping him extremely busy, but still I become this negative and nagging wife to him. I expect him to spent a lot of time with us knowing which is not possible as of now, I want him to help me with Bunny which is not actually necessary because I manage just fine without him. Worse still I expect him to do things without me even saying it loud, such a married women trait. And in response him asking the obvious, asking for something which is right in front of his eyes, such a married men trait.
On the other hand he is doing his best to accommodate me and Bunny in Delhi home without any troubles, in each of his visit he makes sure the home is clean and vacuumed and dust free. He has finally started to run the washing machine and hang the laundry, he has made our maid to put the various legumes, rice other dry groceries in sun and back in respective boxes, got the refrigerator clean, has asked me several times If I wanted any modification with regards to furniture placement for Bunny.
Still every time after his return I take a day or two to adjust and get back to my normal. I so don’t want these things between us, I just hate wasting time in fights, arguments and keeping mum. I know he is just occupied and never says no if I ask anything but sometimes I want things done without asking. Moreover I want him accustomed in handling Bunny, changing him, staying awake with him when required, in short except for feeding doing everything. Specially now when our return to Delhi is coming closer and there will be no more help from parents and i will have to take care of other household chores as well.
I don’t want our dynamics to change in anyway, I don’t like the negative me, I don’t like to bother him. I really need to work on me. Any suggestions in this regard?
An hour back I woke up from my afternoon slumber (okay, I know it went well beyond the afternoon). I slept in TBH’s arms, cuddling and kissing him every now and then; and woke up to him caressing me lovingly. A serene smile spread over my face, which refused to go for a while. I kept on wondering what a bliss it is for not celebrating togetherness on some special occasions but it being your life. How beautiful life is with TBH and I being together most of the time. Eating each meal together, creating memories, living a fun fulfilled life.
I have mentioned it before that the kind of routine we follow is slightly different from the norm. We both work out of home, we have a room dedicated as office but there is no restriction on us. Actually for TBH it should he works on his phone.TBH keep on having some local meetings on some days but that doesn’t actually count in the large picture. As far as his work travel is concerned, mostly I accompany him or I travel to someplace else (visiting both set of parents etc). There are ample of advantages of being your own boss.
When I started of this life leaving my full time job, a lot of my people showed concerned that being together all the time may fade out our relationship. We may get bored of each other’s company. But surprisingly just the opposite has happened. I feel our love keeps on increasing exponentially. We have become so comfortable around each other that there is absolutely nothing that brings any strife between us. Needless to mention we hardly fight and I believe understand each other in and out. We get more time to do together activities, we discuss everything and anything under the sun etc. etc.
Though there are certain disadvantages to it as well. We can’t boast about the kind of social circle working people have. Our weekends are also mostly us exploring places. Few friends we have from earlier jobs/college are too busy in their own lives and stay very far. Dressing up socially is gradually losing its meaning for me. And the activities/workshops/talks my previous workplace used to organize, I miss that the most. A lot of our vacation plans gets cancelled due to TBH’s nature of business. Also his business colleagues are well beyond our age or choice of people we want to hang out with. Sometimes lack of routine makes you waste more time than buzy-ness. Yes, we do get regular dose of hosting guests which breaks the monotony but they also take us for granted considering we don’t need to rush to office or follow a fixed routine.
But honestly I love the way it is. When I hear about couples not being able to spend enough quality time with each other which in some cases takes a toll over marriage and relationship, I send a silent prayer up there. When I hear about concepts like weekend couples/parents it somewhere breaks my heart. When I see old parents living a colorless dull life because their children are not able to visit them regularly, I just can’t thank god enough for all the fun family times we have. This is not to draw comparisons or prove a point. But just to keep a record of what I felt today and thanking the almighty for giving us the opportunity to choose the way we want to live without major obligations or responsibilities to direct our life. I think this works perfectly for me. Actually I couldn’t have asked for more. May be I am a cut out for this kind of life. And I am totally in love with it. I love our togetherness.